Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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