I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize