I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
