roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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