Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
