Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize