Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
