Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize