I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
