Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize