i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
