u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
