Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize