i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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