If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
