i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
