God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
