there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
