I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
