Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
