as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
