$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
