We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
