you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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