I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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