i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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