My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize