May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i came on her dog
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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