"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
