what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
