i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
