I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
