I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
