last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
