I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
