Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
whose parrot is this?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
