He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
