it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
