Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
