I hate your face
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
