well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
