Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
