How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
