community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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