This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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