Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
