i can't believe i had my finger in that
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
