omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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