can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
