You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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