You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just pee around me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
