capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
