Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
