Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
