guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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