Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
