College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
soo... how was my night?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
