so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
