New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
