Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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