I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
