In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I deserve this hangover.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
