I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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