I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
