Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
