Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
