i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
