I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
