There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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