So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize