Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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