I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
