I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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