So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
