even my farts smell like vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
