Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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