We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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