remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
