it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
