their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
