Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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