my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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