i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
