I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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