You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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