You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
