"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
