Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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