Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll

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(416): View more from Ontario

Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.

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(607): View more from New York

Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner

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(905): View more from Toronto

Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...

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(248): View more from Michigan

I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!

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(585): View more from New York

there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer

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(718): View more from New York

You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.

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