he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
