i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
