What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
