we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
