i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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