i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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