My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
