butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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